For a couple of days, I've pretended that breast cancer wasn't an issue.
And why not?
I felt well, almost normal.
I even thought I'd do a little decorating; get some shopping done; and
hop on the treadmill.
Since my next doctor's appointment isn't until Friday,
I concluded it would be easy to forget.
But sometime yesterday,
a shift occurred.
I'm not sure why it happened.
Was it the loved one I've worried about for more than a week now?
How about the friend who was having a bad day?
My Internet searches for chemo treatment?
Who knows, but a melancholy as heavy as Maryland fog settled over my soul,
smothering my ability to "forget".
Having my surgical drains pulled was bittersweet.
On one side of the equation - freedom
and there, waiting on the other - chemo, as soon as I finished healing.
Now I wait,
heal
and wait so more for the oncologists to call me in,
schedule my poison,
and start what I hope won't be the start of my "Melancholy Blue".
You know I have always favored the color blue. Add a splash of red and your have got yourself something there. But seriously you are entitled. Let it out and then come back to your fabulous, gorgeous self. See you soon.
ReplyDeleteSonja B
I know what you mean. I have good parts of days and some parts the pain is so great I feel like I might just stop breathing. I can't predict when they will happen, and it's very frustrating. I miss being normal. I miss being myself. I know some days are going to be bad, but every day I hope it'll either disappear on its own or all these tests I'm having will somehow help the doctors find out what's wrong with me. Meanwhile sedatives, funny television, interesting books, and the knowledge of the love of friends and family help me get through those days. I hope it helps you too.
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