What Not to Say to a Cancer Patient...if You're a Therapist

I was inspired to write this after reading another blogger's entry entitled, "What Not to Say to Cancer Patients."

In her blog, Wendy Farha writes about people who offer unsolicited advice regarding taking supplements/herbal medicines and eating miracle foods.
Her entry reminded me of a recent visit to a therapist.

Because I was there for a family member, I was a little surprised when she began asking about my medical history. After learning I'd had breast cancer, her line of questioning took an unwelcomed turn.

QUESTION: Do you eat meat?
ANSWER: Yes.
QUESTION: But you eat it only once a week, right?
ANSWER: No, more often than that. We don't eat lots of red meat, but we do eat lots of chicken.
WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A CANCER PATIENT...if you're a therapist:
You shouldn't eat meat more than once a week. It's not good for you.

QUESTION: Take any prescription drugs?
ANSWER: I take Drugs A, B, C, D, and E, daily.
QUESTION: Why do you take Drug C?
ANSWER: My doctor prescribed it for menopausal symptoms.
WHAT NO TO SAY TO A CANCER PATIENT...if you're a therapist, and my physician husband is seated beside me:
Drug C isn't for that; it makes you hot. These physicians...I don't know what they're thinking.

QUESTION: Do you drink?
ANSWER: Yes
QUESTION: How much?
ANSWER: Two, sometimes three drinks a week, mostly wine with dinner.
WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A CANCER PATIENT...if you're a therapist, speaking to a woman who is not your patient, but who is beginning to dislike you:
You cannot drink ANYTHING!!! EVER!!! You've had breast cancer.

In her blog, Wendy suggests,
"If you feel you absolutely MUST advise a cancer patient to try something, why not first let the person know casually that you've heard of something you think might be helpful."

Good looking-out Wendy.

So, to this (particular) therapist, I'd like to casually suggest "something that might be helpful." Keep your nutrition and pharmaceutical recommendations to yourself. It will allow more time for you to listen to your patients...even if I'm not one of them.

My Perfect Valentine

Valentine's Day 2011 has come and gone.
Personally I'm happy that it's over.
By design - it isn't the kind of day that gets a lot of attention at our house.

Early in our marriage, Jeff and I were eager to go out. We'd make dinner reservations, get dressed up and crowd into a restaurant with a flood of other patrons. We'd eat an adequate, over-priced meal and await the arrival of our bill, before vowing to never eat out again on Valentine's night.

When the boys were little, and we didn't have a sitter, I'd prepare two meals:
the highly favored mac-n-cheese with chicken fingers,
and a romantic, three-course meal for Jeff and I to enjoy once the kids were in bed. Too often, however, our evening ended with us eating too much food, drinking too much wine and, as over-tired parents often discover, wanting little more than a good night's sleep.

Over the past couple of years, expectations have shifted.
Romance isn't dead in our home, but it's definitely been redefined.
Sunday night I announced to Jeff,
"We aren't romantic people; that's okay. I only need romance, maybe a couple of times a year anyway."
I couldn't tell if he was relieved or insulted.

This year we stayed home. I cooked dinner, and Jeff made chocolate fondue.
We ate together, as a family.
There were no roses,
no jewelry,
no over sized heart-shaped box of truffles.

There is only certainty in knowing that after these past 18 months,
no single day will ever adequately convey the love between me and
My Perfect Valentine.