My Belief

About two weeks ago,
I lost a gold earring.
It wasn't big or very expensive,
but the earring cradled the memory of my maternal grandmother, who had presented it as birthday present when I was a teenager.
Momo departed this life, 25 years ago.
With time, her reflection has settled somewhere in the recesses of my mind,
placed on one of life's shelves,
accessible from the back of the closet,
instead of from the front.

But each time I reached for that pair of gold hoops, I'd recall her hands, pale but strong; wisps of hair, cottony-soft; and the look in her eyes: a pool of love, warming me from the inside out.
A single year has not passed that I have not missed her.

Two weeks ago,
I was rushed and careless.
I didn't properly fasten one of the earrings before hurrying the boys out the door.
We were late for the bus that day; we have been late many times since my diagnosis.

When a neighbor noticed that one of my earrings was missing, she helped me look for it.
Later that morning, I searched again, inside and out.
I could not find my earring.

Ironically, I'd been learning about believing God, and the difference between faith and belief.
One day after my earring went missing, I witnessed Noah believe that God could make a bunch of dead weeds grow again.
I had faith,
now I wanted Noah's belief.
I prayed,"Lord help my unbelief." And in my mind, I could "see" my earring,
laying outside,
in the grass,
along the sidewalk near my house.
Most mornings or afternoons, I'd walk to and from the bus stop, looking down.
Other days, I forgot to look.
I never forgot to believe.

This morning, after posting my FB status about renewal and promises, I headed to the bus stop with the boys.
I wasn't wearing earrings, just a baseball cap.
We weren't rushed.
The kids boarded the bus and left.
I stood, chatting with neighbors, wearing the same GAP sweatshirt I wore the morning I lost my earring.

Here's where I'm supposed to tell you
that I found my earring,
laying in the grass,
along the sidewalk,
near my house.


Leaving the bus stop, I casually glanced down at my foot and saw it:
the earring my Momo had given me nearly 30 years earlier.

Two weeks ago,
I lost it.

Today I found it:

My Belief