If You're Diagnosed with Breast Cancer

The breast cancer version of the children's book,
"If You Give a Mouse a Cookie",
as it relates to hormone therapy.

If you're diagnosed with breast cancer
you are probably going to need a Valium to go with it.
If you take a Valium you might not remember everything the doctor says
so you're going to need someone to remind you.

Following surgery, chemo and radiation,
your doctor will recommend Aromatase Inhibitors (AI) as hormone therapy.
AIs will require monthly abdominal injections, suppress your ovaries and jeopardize your bone health.
Hearing the news will make you want a second opinion.

If you get a second opinion, you'll have to go to a different hospital.
The other hospital will suggest Tamoxifin,
which will increase your risk of blood clots.

Determined to avoid a blood clot,
you will start receiving monthly shots.
A couple of months will pass before you consider having your ovaries removed.
You'll make an appointment at Walter Reed.

On the day of your surgery, President Obama will show up, and the entire hospital will shut down.
The delay will piss you off, wildly.
Dressed in a surgical gown and waiting for hours will take its toll on your emotions.
And chances are,
if you get THAT worked up about it,
you're probably going to need a Valium to get through it.