Not My Idea of a Vacation

I have been away,
on and off,
for three weeks now.

I haven't been on vacation,
but I have been absent from home,
on pause from responsibilities and removed from my family.

Week 1 - A three night stay in Howard County General Hospital; blood transfusion - four units.
Week 2 - A two night stay in Walter Reed Army Medical Center; blood transfusion - two units.
Week 3 - A two night stay in Walter Reed; blood transfusion - two units; drug infusion.

...Not exactly the vacation the doctor prescribed.
But I can pretend:

Check In. Show up at a hotel, and you have to wait in line to register with a clerk behind the reception desk. At Walter Reed, the admission's representative came to me, and he didn't even ask for a credit card.

Safekeeping. Many hotel have room safes. But during my recent hospital stay, a gentleman came to my room and asked, "Do you have any valuables you'd like to store?" I responded that I did not. I mean seriously, would you hand over your jewelry to a stranger?

Ice and Vending Machines. Yep, hospitals have them, on every floor, just like hotels. And the best part - your nurse will bring ice to you.

Room service. Just like in a hotel, all you have to do is survey the menu, pick up the phone and order what you'd like to eat. Someone will bring it to your hospital room, and no one expects a tip.

Housekeeping. A Sanitary Engineer shows up at your door, asking if you'd like to have your room cleaned, trash emptied, or if you're in need of fresh bath towels. Unlike in a hotel, you will not be expected to clear your hospital room. But you'll notice that the housekeeper will still keep the door wide open.

Room Amenities. The cost of hotel toiletries are factored into your room rate. Like it or not, your hospital bill will reflect the cost of every "extra". That's why my mother advises to collect every bottle, gauze, alcohol wipe, moist towelette, and plastic drawstring bag before being discharged from the hospital.

...because

at

Check Out,
you'll pay for it: immediately, if you're in a hotel and later, if you're in the hospital.